I have always been sleep challenged. I was sitting in a waiting room the other day waiting for my mom to have cataract surgery. The room was filled with several other people in the room doing the same thing. Most people were reading, some were eating, some were playing games on their phone and some were just there observing. The wait can be a couple of hours. There was one particular person curled up on a chair using their coat as a pillow. She seemed to be sleeping. Those of us who are insomniacs know would assume that the person wasn’t really sleeping. She was trying to sleep. There was a door that occasionally opened where a nurse would walk out and call the next patient in or would call the person’s name that was waiting for another patient to let them know they could come back and see the person they were waiting for. After sitting in room for about an hour the door opened and the nurse said “Becky for Charmaine.” After a long silence of nobody claiming to Becky the nurse left. The door opened again and she said “Becky for Charmaine.” Still no answer. She then walked over to the sleeping woman and said it very near the woman’s head. She still didn’t wake up. I of course thought the woman maybe dead. The nurse than touched the woman’s shoulders and said it again. Becky finally woke up. OH MY GOD…. I WANT TO SLEEP LIKE THAT. I really don’t think that I have ever slept that hard. Not even in my own bed.
I have evolved as an insomniac. I used to not be able to fall asleep. That never happens to me anymore. I think I have become less of a worrier. I crash when I hit the pillow. Now I just wake up randomly in the middle of the night fully awake ready to take on the day, ready to go for a run or something. Then I try talking myself back to sleep at 3:45. First I contemplate just waking up but then I try going back to sleep. That is when my mind runs amuck. Things that I never worry about during the day now freak me out. Obviously I’m tired and can’t think straight. It can be stupid things like…what is that noise. It’s raining outside. I wonder if I need a new roof. I wonder if its leaking right now. I wonder if mold is growing. Very irrational thoughts. I used to worry about real things like my job or what I said to someone to upset them or that I may have upset them or my daughter and how she may be falling behind in school. I think working at the same job for 18 years and my daughter moved out and on her own at 25 has alleviated those worries. Now my mind just likes to make things up like a leaky roof or mold. I know this to be the case because when it rains during the day I love sitting in my little cottage with a good book listening to the rain hit the windows without any worry about what is happening above.
Like I said, I want to solve this insomnia thing. I have read all of the books and articles on how to cure insomnia. I am in great shape. I work out regularly. I keep my caffeine consumption to a minimum and stop drinking it after 10 am. I got to bed and wake up at consistent times. I avoid alcohol after 7 PM. I’ve tried turning off all devices and TV’s. AS a matter of fact..I’m not really a tv watcher or device looker and I have found if I can’t sleep and get up and turn on the tv it helps me sleep.
This is why I would prefer to do my own study. I would love to study the traits and the personalities of sleepers and non sleepers. There has to be some common ground. I have always thought sleepers tend to be laid back and they don’t let the world bother them but this theory has been proven wrong way too many times by sleeping friends.
As of late I think that retirement will be good for me. I will just get out of bed when I can’t sleep and go for that run or work on something for a few hours and then go take a nap in the middle of the day if I get tired later. I can’t do that now and there are days where if I don’t sleep at night I am exhausted and can’t think straight. Luckily I’m not a doctor or pilot or something. I’m just a person playing with peoples money all day. But fortunately for my clients you can’t play with someone’s money with someone verifying what you just did before you actually do it. At least I know I know I’m in the right career. That should help me sleep at night.
I am going to conduct a survey of those who sleep and those who don’t sleep at my job. Then I am going to look at their personality profiles and see if there is a common thread. Once I figure that out I will take my conclusions and figure out a cure. For everyone.